In memory of · In honor of · In lieu of flowers
Memorial and tribute gift letters: the donor's tax receipt and the family's notification
A gift made in memory or in honor of someone creates two letters. The donor gets the normal IRS acknowledgment with the amount, the date, the goods-or-services statement and a sentence naming the person remembered. The family or honoree gets a short note listing who gave, without any amounts. Small organizations get the first one right and forget the second, which is the one families remember.
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Who gets which letter
| Situation | Donor of record | Letters to send |
|---|---|---|
| Friend mails a check "in memory of Jane" | The check writer | IRS acknowledgment with dedication to the friend; name added to the family's list |
| Funeral home forwards checks payable to you | Each check writer | One acknowledgment per check, dated when received; family list |
| Family collects cash at the service, sends one check | The family member who wrote the check | One acknowledgment to that person for the full amount; no letters to the individuals |
| Online gift with "in memory of" in the dedication field | The card holder | Acknowledgment with dedication; add to the family list even if the platform emailed a receipt |
| Gift "in honor of" a birthday, wedding or retirement | The giver | Acknowledgment with "in honor of"; a notification note to the honoree |
| Money raised to help the family pay bills | Not a charitable gift | Do not accept it into the charity or issue a tax receipt; refer to a personal fundraiser |
| Family asks for a named fund, bench or scholarship | Each donor | Acknowledgment plus one sentence on the stated purpose; confirm the total is enough before promising |
The tax rules here are the ordinary ones: a written acknowledgment for any gift of $250 or more, the no goods-or-services statement on every letter, and no deduction for payments earmarked for a specific person. The only memorial-specific rule is etiquette, and it is firm: the family never sees amounts.
Donor acknowledgment letter: memorial gift
For an "in honor of" gift, change the dedication sentence and drop the sympathy wording.
[Organization legal name] [Mailing address] EIN [00-0000000] [Date] [Donor name] [Donor address] Dear [Donor first name], Thank you for your gift of $[Amount], received on [Date received], made in memory of [Name of the person remembered]. We are honored to carry that remembrance forward in our work, and we have let [the family / Family contact name] know of your kindness. No goods or services were provided in exchange for this contribution. [Organization name] is a tax-exempt organization under Section 501(c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Code. Please keep this letter with your tax records. With gratitude, [Signer name] [Title]
Family notification letter
Names and towns only. No amounts, no tax language: the family did not make the gift.
[Organization name] [Mailing address] [Date] [Family contact name] [Address] Dear [Family contact first name], Please accept our sympathy on the loss of [Name of the person remembered]. We want you to know that the following friends and family have made gifts to [Organization name] in [his / her / their] memory: [Donor name], [City, State] [Donor name], [City, State] [Donor name], [City, State] These gifts will support [the program or purpose the family requested, or: our work in the community]. We have thanked each donor directly, and we will send you an updated list as further gifts arrive. With sympathy, [Signer name] [Title]
Honoree notification note
For birthday, wedding, retirement and celebration gifts made in someone's honor.
Dear [Honoree first name], We have good news to share: [Donor name] has made a gift to [Organization name] in your honor, in celebration of [your birthday / your retirement / your wedding]. Their gift will support [program or purpose]. Thank you for inspiring generosity in others. We hope you will share our thanks the next time you see them. Warmly, [Signer name] [Title]
"In lieu of flowers" wording for an obituary
Offer this to families who ask. Include a mailing address and an online option; ask that gifts be marked with the person's name.
In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions may be made to [Organization legal name], [mailing address], or online at [website address]. Please note "in memory of [Name]" with your gift.
Memorial gifts from a spreadsheet
Add an In Memory Of (or In Honor Of, Tribute, Honoree) column to your gift list. The generator writes the dedication sentence into each donor's letter, keeps the IRS statements intact, and groups a donor's several gifts for the same person into one line. Cells such as "In honor of Coach Lee" inside an In Memory Of column are read correctly, and a separate Tribute Type column is honored when your software exports one. Sort the sheet by that column to build each family's list.
Memorial and tribute gift questions
Does an "in memory of" gift need a different tax receipt?
No. The donor's letter has exactly the same IRS elements as any other gift: your organization's name, the amount (or a description of non-cash property), the date, and the statement that no goods or services were provided. The dedication is an extra sentence, not a tax element. Since most memorial gifts arrive as individual checks of $25 to $250, the letter also doubles as the written acknowledgment the donor needs for any gift of $250 or more.
Should we tell the family how much each person gave?
No. The convention, which almost every family and donor expects, is that the family receives the donors' names and towns but not amounts. Amounts belong only in the letter to the donor. If a family asks for a total, you may share the aggregate raised in the person's memory without attributing amounts to individuals.
The family collected cash and checks at the service and sent us one check. Who gets the receipt?
The person whose check you received. The individuals who put money in the envelope made gifts to the family, not to your organization, and have nothing to deduct; the family member who wrote the check is the donor for the full amount. If some of the enclosed checks were written to your organization, each of those check writers is a donor and gets their own letter.
The funeral home forwarded a stack of checks. What date and address do we use?
Use the date your organization received the checks and the address printed on each check (or the envelope, if different). If a check is dated in December but reached you in January, the donor's deduction year is the year the check was mailed or hand-delivered, so send the letter with the actual received date and let the donor sort out the year with their own records.
The family wants memorial gifts to help pay the funeral or support the widow. Can we receipt those?
No. A payment that is earmarked to benefit a particular individual or family is not a charitable contribution even when it passes through a 501(c)(3), and your organization should not collect it or issue a tax receipt for it. Point the family to a personal fundraising page instead, and keep your memorial fund for gifts that support your mission.
The family asked that gifts go toward a specific purpose, such as a scholarship or a bench. Does that change the letter?
A donor who gives for a stated purpose has made a restricted gift, and your organization must use it for that purpose or get the donor's permission to redirect it. The IRS elements are unchanged; add one sentence stating what the gift will support. Before promising a bench or a named fund, make sure the likely total is enough to deliver it, and tell the family early how smaller totals will be used.
What about gifts "in honor of" someone, such as a birthday, wedding or retirement?
Same two letters. The donor gets the IRS acknowledgment with an "in honor of" sentence; the honoree gets a short note naming the donor without the amount. For "in lieu of wedding gifts" requests, the guests who give are the donors and may deduct; the couple did not give and has nothing to deduct.
How quickly should we notify the family?
Families notice. Send donor acknowledgments within a week or two of each gift, and send the family a list every week or two while gifts are arriving, then a final list when they stop. A short note at the first anniversary summarizing how the gifts were used is remembered for years and is the single most effective donor-retention letter a small organization can write.
Can we list memorial donors in our newsletter or annual report?
Yes, with names only and never amounts, and only if your gift form or acknowledgment gives donors a way to decline. Some donors give anonymously to the public but want the family to know; the family notification can include them while the public list omits them.
Our spreadsheet has an "In Memory Of" column. Does the generator use it?
Yes. A column headed In Memory Of, In Honor Of, Tribute, Honoree or Dedication adds a dedication sentence to that donor's letter, grouped by the person remembered or honored. If your export has separate Tribute Type and Tribute Name columns (Bloomerang, Little Green Light, Kindful), both are read. Sorting the same spreadsheet by the tribute column gives you the donor list for each family notification.
General information based on Internal Revenue Code §170(f)(8) and §170(c), Treasury Regulation §1.170A-13, and IRS Publications 526 and 1771. Not legal or tax advice.